You may often be faced with new social situations, such as a cocktail party or singles mixer. In such instances, it can sometimes feel a bit awkward as you try to “feel out and blend in” with a crowd with which you are not familiar.

No need to fear! These situations do not have to be uncomfortable for long. Here are seven secrets to “learning to work the room” effectively, adopting proper party etiquette and optimizing your chances for positive interactions with others.

1. Remember that regardless of how uncomfortable you may feel initially, others are no doubt feeling just as awkward. Always smile and use body language that is open and approachable. I remember a lady from grad school who, though not overly attractive, always had plenty of dates. She confided in me that the key for a woman to be approached by a guy was to look approachable. So, don’t hang back waiting for something to happen. Show your beautiful smile, walk up to someone who looks interesting, stick out your hand and introduce yourself.

2. Be patient with others. Don’t draw early conclusions about how friendly and outgoing the crowd is. Be aware that there is a natural progression that most guests follow when arriving at a party. First, they greet their friends. Then, they talk to their acquaintances. Finally, after they have connected with their support system, they seek out new people in the crowd. This progression can sometimes take 45 minutes to an hour to develop. Some new people tend to lose patience and take off after half an hour, convinced that the crowd is unfriendly or stuck-up.

3. Don’t hang out on the fringes with arms folded over your chest. Wade into crowd to meet others. If you are seated at the bar, turn your chair to face the crowd, rather than sitting with your back to them. No one can talk over his/her shoulder. It is better to stand, moving in and out of the crowd. Always leave yourself an escape route to be able to move on from people you don’t want to talk with any longer.

If you need to you sit at a table, pick a high top, not a low-top table. At a low-top, you risk either cutting yourself off from anyone coming up to you or getting trapped by anyone who does sit down with you.

Do not monopolize a guest, regardless of how attracted to him/her you are. Trying to “cut someone from the herd” is bad form and can lead to very uncomfortable situations. Don’t shadow, haunt or stalk any partier. If you’re interested, ask for or give him/her a phone number or E-mail address after the appropriate get-acquainted conversation.

4. To maximize interactions, consider arriving alone. If you must bring friends for support, try limiting them to one, or two at most. Agree to “break away from that bunch” to interact with others. Decide shared driving decisions up-front. If one person is having a good time and the other is not, the person who’s not can sometimes try to bring down the other partier in “a misery loves company — miserable company” move. Yep, unfortunately it’s fairly common.

5. In conversation, learn to ask questions of someone that can’t be answered in one-word replies. Listen well to what they say, rather than always trying to construct your next question. Avoid overly strident opinions, especially if the subject turns to politics, religion or very personal topics. Remember, great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about things, small minds talk about other people. Leave the judgments to God and people in black robes.

6. Learn to be a considerate party guest. The party is for the enjoyment of everybody in attendance, not just you. If you have complaints, bring them up politely with the host or hosts right away, as they are the only ones who can do something to improve the situation then and there. No one appreciates “party politicians” who lobby others during a party to agree with them if there is some aspect of the food, entertainment or service with which they disapprove. While you can request a song or two from the DJ or band, any direction for the entertainment beyond that needs to come from the party hosts.

7. Moderate your vices. Don’t overdo the drinking. No one feels comfortable talking to a drunk, or even being around him or her. Don’t drink heavily and then drive. If you feel that you must smoke, be a considerate smoker. Think about smoking outside the crowd or outside the room. Do not ever drink or smoke on the dance floor. Don’t smoke at the dinner table. If you smoke within the crowd, make sure your smoke is not bothering others near you. Use of drugs is a good way to be permanently banned from the party or establishment.

Most of these “secrets” should be common sense and common courtesy. Still, you’d be surprised at how uncommon these virtues sometimes can be.

Enjoy the party and the people who make it what it is!

This entry was posted on Monday, February 6th, 2006 at 10:36 pm and is filed under Notes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.